i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize