I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
