All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
