I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
