I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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