you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
