so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize