I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
