the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
