one might say we're banned from that church
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
