I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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