a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
