I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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