Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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