so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
