so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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