are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
