I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
