I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
