dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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