so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
