i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
