she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
