operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
