oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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