i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
