Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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