Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
