I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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