Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want to make out with him forever
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
