there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
