We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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