who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
