she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
