haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
