Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
