HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
