K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
