thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
