Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We had to coat check the pizza.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
