is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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