Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
