Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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