i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
