so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize