Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
