chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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