she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
