I'm drive I can fine osifer
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize