We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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