I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
