just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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