Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
