I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
