cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
North Korea, Best Korea!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
