My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
