I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
