Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
