Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
