my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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