please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
