Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
