she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
