perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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