I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
