dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
