would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize