I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
