It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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