lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
