where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
