Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
