It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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