Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need help removing her.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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