I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
