and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize