i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
