And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize