just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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