just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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