Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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