her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Terrible idea I love it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
