Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
