she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
