You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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