If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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