Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize